I can reciprocate anything I ask for

and that's why I have high standards

I set high standards for ALL of my relationships, not just the romantic and platonic ones. By the time I turned 20, I had cut off the majority of my relatives due to unresolved discussions about basic human decency - i.e. racism, homophobia, using ableist slurs, etc. As soon as I recognised (after years of trying) that they weren’t going to match my standards, I cut them off and stopped going to family gatherings. This included pretty much all of my super close and distant family members (I have a MASSIVE family with about a million cousins and aunts/uncles).

The family I’m now in contact with consists purely of my sister, my brother-in-law, my step-sister, my niece, one cousin, and my ex (sparknotes on that situation since I’m sure you’re curious - we were besties, dated for almost 5 years as teenagers into our twenties, broke up amicably so he stayed part of the family and now, 5 years on, we act like siblings) (I also refer to him as my incest brother for this reason) (we are NOT related, dw).

I don’t believe that blood is thicker than water, and I don’t believe (as Keira Knightley disgustingly put it) that we should all just “figure out how to live together.” (VOM). Since when did human rights become an opinion?

When I left school and started understanding the world around me, I realised that I don’t have to get along with people who casually throw around the r-word and who “don’t understand” pronouns. I also realised (after my second relationship) that I don’t have to settle for anything less than what I want in a partner OR a friend.

The most amazing part of this is that I’ve found some incredible friends in my 20s. Not to brag, but as someone who thrives on building communities and bringing people together (not in a culty way), I genuinely have A LOT of really, really good quality, close friends who match all of my non-negotiables.

Since you’re a nosy fuck (I assume, hehe), I’ll share some of my requirements with you:

1. OBVIOUSLY no racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, etc. etc. etc.

The bar is in absolute HELL if I have to spell this out, but I will not date, be friends with or socialise with anyone who won’t educate themselves (and be on the right side of) social and political issues. This also includes body positivity in all forms. If you support diet culture and can’t respect pronouns, I don’t want you. NEXT.

(Side note: my romantic partners must also be vegan. I wish I could say this for friends, but it’s way more difficult to enforce unfortunately).

2. They cannot be apolitical

I’m going to write an entire article about this, but in short, being apolitical IS NOT A THING. Sitting back comfortably while minorities lose their rights and their lives is a privilege. Ok, so you’re lucky that these issues don’t impact you directly, but do you not care about fighting for the rights of your fellow human beings?! BYE.

3. They have to have friends

This became super important to me following my previous relationship. My friends and partners don’t necessarily have to have loads of friends, but I can’t be their only friend. As someone who naturally problem-solves and takes care of people, relationships where I’m their only connection can become co-dependent really fast. This is draining for me, and it doesn’t match my need for freedom.

In a relationship, I need them to have at least one friend they can spend time with while I’m away. It’s important that they’re able to talk about our relationship with someone other than me. I spend A LOT of time with my friends, and I like alone time, too. They have to be able to fill their time with something other than me while I do the same.

4. They have to trust me

As I mentioned, I will reciprocate anything I ask for, and as a Scorpio, trust is super important to me. If you don’t trust me, I can’t be with you. Equally, if I don’t trust you, I don’t want to be with you. My partner will not look through my phone, read my texts, monitor who I’m with or what I do. I will reciprocate by also trusting them wholeheartedly. I NEED my freedom.

5. No raising of voices

As someone who grew up in an abusive environment, anger issues are a NO GO for me. I won’t tolerate someone raising their voice or snapping at me. Anger isn’t a choice, but the way we react to it is. If a friend, family member or partner is angry, it’s their responsibility (as an adult) to regulate their emotions and tackle the problem without lashing out at me.

6. They must actively listen and take an interest in me

Again, the bar is in hell, but it’s amazing how rare it is to find friends and partners who actually care about us.

There are a lot of things that people can do to show they care about me. For example, I love romance, and as a witch who does a lot of floral magick, it’s really special to me when someone buys me flowers (even better if they research the meaning behind them). My friends are my biggest cheerleaders - they always hype me up, compliment me, read my work, follow up on conversations we’ve had, listen to me, buy my favourite flowers, write me letters, etc.

I expect this level of care from all friends, family and partners. I offer this to everyone I connect with, and I won’t tolerate anything less (again).

7. Good music taste / passionate about music

Ok, this is negotiable because I definitely have friends with a shit taste in music (sorry, but Take That being your favourite group is an actual crime). I pride myself on my fantastic music taste and ability to match any vibe / recommend the best songs in most genres.

That’s not to say we can’t have guilty pleasures, ofc! I’m not that much of a snob, and I love shit music, too. I’m just super passionate about music and need a partner who can really feel music and have discussions about it, not just listen to it.

8. They must be passionate about something

I’m an incredibly passionate person; I’d even say passion is one of my number one qualities. I feel everything deeply, passionately and with my entire body.

All of my friends, family members and exes are passionate and creative in one way or another. I love creative people - writers, artists, musicians, cake decorators, crocheters, etc. I don’t mesh well with people who aren’t passionate about the things they love. I also need them to be passionate about me and our friendship/relationship, and, again, I will reciprocate this (without any trouble).

9. They must get along with my sister (Bex) and brother-in-law (Christian)

Bex is my ENTIRE WORLD. Christian is a close second. If they don’t like someone, something is horribly, horribly wrong. It’s rare, but anyone they’ve disliked has eventually gone in the bin. They’re the most loving, kindhearted and intuitive people I know. They’re also extremely similar to me, so if they find an issue with someone, it's only a matter of time before I find it, too.

The list goes on and on, but what I’m getting at is this - you should never settle for less than what you’re willing to give your friends and partners, and you should never expect anything from your friends and partners that you can’t give in return.

I’d truly rather end up alone for the rest of my life than settle for a life where my needs aren’t being met. Whether it’s human decency, words of affirmation, physical touch, trust, quality time, head, gift-giving, passion, romance, care, cuddles, or anything else - I will reciprocate everything I ask for and more. I urge you to do the same.

I’m a thirsty attention whore who runs on bad dates and matcha lattes. If you like my writing, you can buy me one below (no presh love u thanks for being here) 💕