I'm in love!

casually

Yes, I’m in love with you. Why are you so confused, random guy sketching across from me at a cocktail bar?

I’ve already seen you before on our wedding day. I cried at your vows. I stepped on my dress and it ripped a little at the bottom, but I didn’t care because I was marrying you. The love of my life. The one who saw me through losing my job and trying to make it as a writer. I didn’t care because you grabbed my hand and kissed me and told me it was ok because our love was all that mattered.

Ok, obviously you don’t remember that, because it didn’t happen. But still, what’s so strange about me being in love with you? If you don’t fall in love with every stranger that intrigues you, then what do you do for fun?

I’ve fallen in love 83,000 times this year (that’s just an estimate). With the girl I took on that one amazing date in April, the guy I went on a walk with briefly in Chania and will likely never see again, the stars, the moon again and again and again, the smell of stagnant fountain water (why is that smell like crack to me?!), the person I kissed at my leaving party, the 4-month situationship I HATED, the song Back to Friends by Sombr, the pita bread I ate yesterday, my friends, my friends’ friends.

And you might think that’s weird. I see your point. But let me raise you another point: you’re weird.

Falling in love is my natural state.

I was talking to this guy I met on Raya the other night, and I told him there was no risk of me falling in love with him because I’ve only ever been in love twice, and they were both long-term partners. I don’t fall in love with people I date and sleep with casually.

Later, I told him I fell in love with a French guy this week, and he said he thought I didn’t fall in love. It’s different, I said. I fall in love every single day with every little thing. I hope he knows I fell in love with him, too. Just briefly. It was his wit, his charm, his ability to make me blush. And it all meant nothing. And it all meant everything.

Life without falling in love and having your heart broken over and over seems colourless to me. I’d rather be too much.

I’m fuelled by matcha lattes, so if you like my writing and want to support me, you can buy me one below! (no presh hehe)