The casual dating dilemma

I don't want to shag you (yet)

Perhaps this is extremely niche, and if it is, I hope it reaches the tiny little audience that can relate to my dilemma. Casual dating has become such a painful experience for me recently because people are completely incapable of chilling the fuck out.

The problem with dating without the intention of developing feelings or getting into a relationship is that the second the c word gets mentioned (casual, not cunt), the prospect immediately jumps into sexting and inviting me over for a shag.

GIRL!!

What happened to casual meaning we go on a few dates, flirt, vibe, stargaze and talk about the future, stay up all night texting about our favourite songs, write each other poetry, and THEN shag? (for any non-Brits reading this, shag = have sex)

Just because I don’t want to be exclusive with you or catch feelings, doesn’t mean I want to jump straight into bed with you. It’s boring, it lacks passion, and the sex is fucking terrible.

When did we exchange calling someone beautiful for immediately calling them sexy? When did we decide that sex was an assumption on a first date, or that we can’t connect on an intimate level without it leading to attachment?

The second I think someone has matched my vibe and respected my boundary, they start sexting me again. Do they not realise I’m chilling with my friends rn, and couldn’t give any less shits about what they want to do to me?

Since joining Raya, the number of offers I’ve had from men to fly me out to Paris is insane, but of course, they follow it up by telling me they want to tear my asshole apart (true story). Fly me to Paris without the expectation of sex?? Maybe??

I’m sick of this, and honestly, I’m terrified that it’ll be exactly the same when I do eventually start looking for a relationship.

Advice for anyone who wants to date me: I’m way more likely to have sex with you if you take me on a date, provide interesting conversation, match my energy and flirt without needing to make it about sex. LEARN THE ART OF THE BUILD UP.

If this casual dating shitshow has taught me anything, it’s that I’m definitely demisexual (something I’ve been questioning for a while now).

I’ll (hopefully) be back next week with news of a successful casual dating experience. In the meantime, do a romance spell for me (I desperately need it).